Rough spots are bound to happen in friendships, especially long friendships like ours. However, that doesn't mean you have to do the typical girly thing. We've always been the fan of not being that kind of drama group, the kind that doesn't do that behind the back talking. We've been doing a great job of that, we never talk behind each other's backs. Which is why I'm bring in this out in the front so that we can clearly talk about it, because dodging questions and just being passive about it won't fix crap.
First order of business, the Halloween ordeal. Yes, I missed the planning and I didn't trick or treat with you guys. I asked you guys if you going to get mad, and I got a mostly no. I regret missing that planning meeting, because that seemed like fun, but I was busy at the time, and although you could say that I should have cancelled, that would be unfair to the other party.
Second order of business, breast cancer walk. I don't know, I didn't hear anything about you guys going. There didn't seem to be any intention of me being let to go. What I want to know is how this would be have been a good idea. I get it, you guys were mad at me for before, but I don't get how this solves anything.
Third order of business was yesterday. Sorry Clara, I know you were supposed to tell me, and you forgot, and I can't say anything about that since I forget often as well. But at this point, I was functioning and awake on Wednesday at 7AM. In addition, my cellphone was working, and Clara has my phone number, so you can't pull that "I didn't have your number on me". The point is you guys saw that I was there and didn't call me or tell me anything.
I know you guys want to hang out, and I know you guys have a lot of fun. It's not fun however, to learn on Facebook at 11AM that your best friends were hanging out while you sat there. Yeah, you could say I didn't ask, but I know while Rebecca asks, you guys asked Clara to go, and I was not invited.
I'm been rather apathetic recently. My emotions are on a down low, I can't even muster enough to care about my failing grades. But even with my emotional rut right now, it still kind of hurts to be excluded to this extent. I want to be best friends with all of you guys, but I'm hating this drama. I love you guys Nat and Becca, but when you guys just talk to each other and not to me, I can't just say it doesn't bother me. On Halloween when I learned that you guys were hanging out and then walking to Clara's house, I can't say that didn't make me feel excluded. When you guys wouldn't answer the phone, and yes I know you guys were fixing her computer, but I called like five times, and I didn't get anybody after I got hung up on, I was feeling pretty shitty at this point.
And Nat, since you told me Becca c/p'ed the below post and didn't comment on it, I assume that you guys read what I write, but you don't comment on it, even when I want an answer. This time, I want an answer to all of this chaos. I want to know what you think, and I want to know if there is a compromise. What I do not want however, is a long post explaining how it is entirely my fault.
I want to be friends with you guys, but I'm not willing to be treated like this in order to be called "Best Friends".
4 comments:
i called your phone but i was sent to voicemail or something :/
i am pretty sick of this crud we're going through too.. school was hell because all my confusion and anger was being put onto my friends at school and it's not really their fault.
thanks for being courageous and sticking it out there linda :P
-clara
i'm not creating drama. drama isn't what i want, and you should know that.
okay, so halloween. yeah you asked, but you asked becca and really even if she said no, she could've lied. of course we would be upset if you didn't join us for halloween, we haven't seen you in a while. and i thought you were going to join us for some fun candy getting but then you just went to stephanie's. and the planning day, okay i get it you had plans. but you should have asked us if we were going to do anything on that day since we ALWAYS, with the exception of maybe ONCE, hang out on days off.
the breast cancer walk, i joined christina's team so i was going to go, period. the fact that key club and you're in key club didn’t pass my mind because i had two walks to go to in two days and my mind was busy, if you understand that. and the ignoring, i admit, was my fault. i am sorry. but partially it was the fact that you didn’t speak directly to rebecca, and that kind of hurt her.
clara said she called you, and as you told me before she's the one with your number. and we all met up later than we wanted to and had time restraints so we didn't call you again, i'm sorry. but you can't except me to not hang out with the other two when i realize you're not there.
and the talking to each other has happened before this whole thing. we all talk to each other separately. i talked to becca alone before. i have talked to you alone before. i have talked to clara alone before. it's not a new thing. and the phone was kind of lost for a while and i'm just going to say about the hanging up thing. we had other stuff going on and anyone who called was hung up on at that point.
you wanted an answer and you deserve one. but expecting me to come up with answer as i read it would be too much. i was busy when she copied it to me, i read it quickly but then i went on my own stuff. even this post, when i first read it, i had to skim it because i was busy. this is my second time reading it.
i know you didn't want a long post saying it was your fault. it's not entirely your fault. i am acknowledging that this is partially my fault but it's partially yours as well.
i'm apologizing, probably the longest apology i've ever written. but i am sorry i let this continue for so long, but honestly i was ready to do this sooner until i heard that you told someone else about this problem. and it hurt me, it did. i didn't talk to anyone else about this because i don't trust anyone else (with the exception of my sister). and when i asked you about this you said you told the ones you trusted, and that's the difference there. i only trust you guys and i was angry that you had other's you could trust. so i let the anger delay the apology. i am sorry.
that last part is kind of weird
it's like implying that i can't have too many people to trust, which goes against my nature. i'd like to believe that if i trust people from the start, they'll pay me back with more trust, so i tend to trust more people. i get it that you're angry that i told people, but i didn't tell everybody. i told people who i trusted and that's how i get over problems, by talking to other people. i can't just not talk about my problems, because there's no progress there.
for the planning day, i planned it so early, like i said, two weeks earlier. and we don't really hang out on every day off, it's just that the times we DO hang out are on days off. if anything, i wish you guys had asked me if i was doing something that day before planning it. i know i messed up by not coming and not seeing you guys but we could still see each other any other day.
rebecca, why haven't you said anything yet?
that's partially why i'm in the dark about most things, is because you guys say i should talk to rebecca more, but she's never on, and when you are, you never talk to me directly. in addition, i'm pretty sure by now you've read this, as i posted this before i went on my debate trip, and now that it's the end of sunday, you had plenty of time and still didn't post.
it's also a bit unfair that when rebecca asks you, you guys both ask clara, but i didn't get invites from both you. i know it's my fault for having my cell phone crazily mess up at times, but now i have texting, so hopefully that'll ease up communication
i apologize for being not being available at times, but i'm also waiting on rebecca's reply to clear all of this up.
the last paragraph wasn't an accusation saying that you shouldn't trust people. it was a reason of my delayed apology. if anything, i was putting it out my weakness of jealousy. i wasn't dissing you for trusting people.
i don't even know why you would think i would do that.
and to clear things up
i asked clara first. and only clara.
rebecca just asked me what we were going to do on that day.
there was no ganging up against you.
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